Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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