I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
