you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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