He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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