Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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