I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
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