I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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