i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
