I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
