i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Randomize
