absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
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