i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
