someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
kristin has been a bad kristin
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
