Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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