So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
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