I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
