It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
