Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Success! We fucked roommates!
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
