What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Randomize
