He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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