if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
