I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
