put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
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