She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
