I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
