I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I just gift wrapped bread.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Randomize
