i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I smell like Dick and happiness
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
