Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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