You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I think I sprained my soul last night
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
