I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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