you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Randomize
