I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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