When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
