He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
