omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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