I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
