Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
