two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
