i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
