I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Randomize
