Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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