Can Purell be used as lube?
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
