They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Randomize
