I just cut my nipple shaving
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
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