I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Randomize
