apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
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