you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
