Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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