i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
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