On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
