why didn't you poke me back
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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